Do you know what you want? What you truly want? Maybe you’re slightly afraid to ask the question. A little afraid to go for it. The disappointment you’ll feel if your expectations aren’t achieved. I can relate. I’ve had to remind myself, “You are worthy of what you desire.” Make space for these things. Declare these things. Know why you want them…what meaning they will bring to your life.
I was talking with someone awhile back and we were comparing ourselves against how others are doing in life. I try to avoid comparison, as it isn’t accurate or healthy. But in LA everything is so superficial which breeds comparison. Sometimes it’s hard to avoid. Anyway, we came to the conclusion that those who seem (operative word) to have what they want and seem truly happy, knew what they wanted. They went after it. They made life changes that prepared for those things.
I, frankly, am not a very focused person. Task-oriented. But not super focused. For one thing, I’m pretty adaptable and flexible. I go with the flow and can be fairly happy just about anywhere and in any circumstance. I tend to be broad in my goals as a result. I want a career. I want a stable home life. I want adventure. I want connection. Okay? And? Don’t we all?
I see possibility everywhere so sometimes choosing a direction can be overwhelming and cause anxiety. I try to always live in the moment. I try to not over-plan or worry. I try to be open to whatever life has planned for me at whatever moment it shows up. It’s a balancing act. Being proactive and creating the life you want, but also trusting that the universe knows what you need and when you need it. That one way or another, I will arrive at my destiny. I think this is why I try to be open with my goals. Ready for anything.
I think there’s another reason, too. Fear. Fear of commitment. Bet you haven’t heard that phrase before. (Isn’t having a fear of commitment a prerequisite for being a single thirty-something adult?) I don’t break down my goals into measurable action items because what if they don’t measure up!?! If I commit to these goals and fail…well, that’s a whole other blog post of feelings and responses and emotions. If I keep it broad, (“I want a career I love. And so I will apply for jobs that I think I will love.”), I’m not holding myself accountable for any results. Escaping, running from something, chasing aimlessly, have clouded my truth. How will I know when I’ve succeeded? How will I know when to keep going, that I’m almost there? How will I know when it’s time to let go, learn from the failure and grow into something new?
Luckily, life has a way of teaching us these things. You can’t go on in status-quo limbo for too long. Eventually, a situation will become uncomfortable enough that you pause to consider it. This is where I find myself today. Which is great. I’m re-evaluating my goals and my desire map. This passive approach to goal chasing has given me enough experience to recognize that I need to shape and focus a little more finely. It’s made me realize that warming the bench is no way to achieve my goals. I feel my best when I’m bold. When I’m courageous. When I’m clear on my intent and brave in how I declare it.
I just want a career, a stable home life, a relationship until I have those things and realize that what I really want is a career that provides me x, y and z; or a relationship that makes me feel a, b, and c. It’s the trial and error, the failure, the absence or lacking of something that helps me realize what I really want. That makes me finally focus on something real so I can go after it, I can prepare and make space for it, and I can recognize and nurture it when it arrives.
To authentically honor the truths of my desires makes committing to them less scary. Focusing on the goal means I get something out of it in the end so unrealized expectations, disappointments and other hardships along the way become less defining or distracting. Evaluating these last few months has made me realize I need to revolutionize how I goal set. Life is too short. We are responsible for our one life story. We are worthy of the big desires of our heart.