I recently stumbled upon this post from Jess Ann Kirby regarding the inner struggle with self-doubt. This subject, and how it relates to self-worth, has always been fascinating to me. It’s also why I love diving into the work of Brene Brown. But this post in particular spoke to me because I’m currently living it. I related to her words whole-heatedly.
For me, self-doubt presents itself as refusing to ask for help. I hate asking for help, always have. Pride. Wanting to prove I can do it. Not wanting to let down the people who end up helping me when I finally ask. I appreciated the writer’s vulnerability in sharing these words. It takes courage to be vulnerable. It’s something I’m working on right now – being vulnerable enough to let down my walls, let people in, ask for help. I’m always strong for other people, why can’t I let them be strong for me when I need support?
Here, she offers 6 ways to work with your self-doubt. Hop over to the original post here, and check out her site for more inspiration.
It took me a long time to write this post, mainly because it was so hard for me to articulate how I was feeling and why. The past few months I just haven’t felt myself and I’m sharing this because I know there are a lot of you out there that have gone through or are going through the same thing. A feeling of unease, constant worry and stress about the future, lack of self-confidence, and a general unhappiness. It’s a little thing called self-doubt, and it’s a real downer. It can also sabotage your success, relationships, creativity and productivity.
If I’m being honest I don’t know exactly what brought it on, but I think it was a combination of things. Buying our first home was (and is) incredibly exciting and probably one of the biggest achievements for both myself and Craig, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility and stress (financially and otherwise). At the same time I was struggling with a bit of burnout and general lack of creative inspiration at work. I was stuck in a funk for months and only now can I finally say I worked my way out, and I have some tips if you’re finding yourself in a similar predicament.
IDENTIFY THE SOURCE
This was the hardest part for me. It basically took me writing this post to start to understand where my feelings of self-doubt were coming from. Once you know the trigger you can start to identify the why and pick apart those feelings. Try writing in a journal or if you prefer talking to someone find a person you can trust to help you get there.
Welcome to the rabbit hole of comparison. Ugh and Yuck. I’ve found myself doing this over and over again the past few months and it’s so bad. I am usually not one to do this type of thing and it’s a terrible habit to get into. I’d like to blame it on the nature of my work and business but I think we all do this at one point or another. Social media is a real mind fuck with this stuff too. Sorry for the language. Social media is the place where, for the most part, everyone put’s the best version of themselves. Most of the time it’s not telling the whole story. I know this because a huge part of my job is creating content to put on social media that is, if we’re being honest, not 100% truthful…
It’s imagery I’ve created that has taken time, thought, energy and sometimes hours of work. And yet I was still in a constant state of comparison, whether it was likes and followers on Instagram (how sad), a brand partnership or some other place my mind would take me. And then I remembered what I usually tell friends when they come to me with the same thoughts and feelings. You have no idea what’s on the other side of that image. You don’t know what that person is going through, how they got that collaboration, or that vacation, or that bag, or all of those followers, and it DOES NOT matter. The number of likes on a photo does not define anyone’s self worth. This doesn’t just apply to social media, it applies to life in general. When you stop comparing and start recognizing all the incredible opportunities, achievements, and good things in your own life it will open doors you never imagined.
I got into this terrible habit of being on my phone ALL THE TIME. Guess what, I know I’m not the only one. Look around next time you’re in public and see how many people you notice are on their phones, it’s a lot. Nothing is more sad to me than going out to dinner and seeing an entire group at a table and everyone is on their phone. But this isn’t about everyone else, it’s about me and my utter lack of awareness. Craig isn’t a phone guy, he doesn’t care about his phone or Instagram, he never checks his voicemail or reads his text messages, so you can imagine how he felt when we’d go to dinner and I’d check my phone. Not cool and also, how rude. It took him bringing it up with me to realize how bad it was. Put your phone away and be present. Not just when you sit down at a meal but when you’re out for a walk, doing errands or just being lazy on the couch. Allow yourself to experience the world around you.
TAKE A BREAK (AND TRAVEL)
Everyone needs time off. I always make excuses for never taking a break. Working for yourself, taking time off is scary. Every minute I’m not working I feel like I’m either a) losing money b) missing out on an opportunity or C) not growing my business. The truth is if you don’t take a break you burn out. And that’s what happened to me. Then I was left in a shitty predicament of feeling uninspired, unmotivated and tired. Craig and I decided to take July 4th weekend off. No work at all. It was one of the best weekends we’ve had in so long. We rode bikes, went to the beach, hung out with friends, went to BBQs, and just enjoyed a few days not thinking about work. It was SO nice. Traveling is another great way to get out of a rut. You don’t have to go far. Take a day trip, visit a museum, go somewhere new to clear your mind and get inspired.
CONNECT WITH THOSE WHO LIFT YOU UP
It may sound surprising but I’m an introvert. I’m pretty good at pretending but I prefer being alone or in a very small group. I am re-energized by spending time solo. That said, there’s nothing like being with people who make you laugh and remind you of what’s important. Keep those people close and don’t worry about the rest.
REMEMBER SUCCESS IS NOT IMMEDIATE
It was this article Caylin shared in Click. Read. Love. that reminded me success doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. Achieving goals takes time. Don’t dismiss your accomplishments either. I have this thing where I downplay EVERY, SINGLE achievement. You can be humble and proud of your success at the same time. Enjoy the small (or big) wins, work hard, hustle and be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day.