August was full of energy. Not that months normally aren’t. It was just an interesting energy, and I was more aware of it and present in it. I usually feel like things are happening around me. But this month specifically, I’ve felt more an active part of the energy. A character in the story, instead of the reader of the story.
I try to always take notice of the things I’m experiencing in my life. I try to learn at each opportunity and appreciate each moment. I try to always be actively introspective, and constantly aware of my ongoing growth and evolution. Usually my internal actions and my external opportunities tend to be in a push-pull effect. I feel oftentimes that I’m reeling in, casting out, reeling in, casting out. This month, though, was different than any others in recent memory. My two worlds were more closely aligned. My learning curve was a bit more instantaneous. Something would happen in real life and I’d process it rather quickly internally. Or, something I’ve been working on mastering internally, would suddenly have the chance to come to fruition in the outside world, and I would allow it to do so.
There has been a shift. Everything feels more clear. Everything makes more sense. I feel more accountable and more authentic. I’m a bit more in sync with my soul and therefore my actions and intentions are more purposeful, positive and effective. It feels like I’ve been able to more successfully tap into a bit of gentle courage. To be who I am, do what I do, ask for what I want. And when we stand in that power, when we put that energy into the world, it is received and returned. This month has affirmed that for me. I feel light and I feel ready. And this has created the right opportunities for me to apply that.
I greet each moment, each situation, each person with gratitude because now I am fully grasping that they are either here to impact my world so positively, or there is a lesson in them I am ready to learn. That I am ready to learn. Not that I need to learn. Not that I should learn. But that I am ready and equipped to handle. Just looking at it in this way is empowering. It’s freeing. I don’t feel frustrated by a setback or bump in the road, or if something turns out differently than I wanted. Because I can handle it. It was sent to me because I was ready to understand it. This is honestly such a fresh lesson for me.
Around mid-August, I got really down. I realized September was right around the corner, 2016 was nearing its end. I looked back and felt kind of stuck. At first glance, I’m in the same general space as I was last year at this time. I lost myself for a moment. I didn’t keep that thought in check. I let my anxious mind run with it. I became discouraged and sad. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not moving forward? I shared this thought with my besties. I sat with it for an entire weekend actually. And then I felt better. I realized that when I truly look back from September 2016 to September 2015, a lot really has changed. I haven’t necessarily taken any cool trips, I’m still in the same job, but I have taken steps forward. I’ve deepened relationships, I’ve made new relationships, I’ve recently revived and grown my free-lance work. I know myself better, and I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
We all have days and moments where we get down like this. This time around it was helpful for me to realize that I was so outside of myself. This story and perspective was not at all the reality. It was coming from a place of fear or insecurity. And when I stop and breathe into that moment, I come back to myself. I am thankful for this anxious thought that taught me to stop and notice all of the good in my life. I am thankful for the opportunity to remember how independent and strong I am, that I really have come a long way in a year. I am thankful for the opportunity to reflect on the lessons I learned from the moments of the past year that seemed to be stagnate. The moments that maybe pulled me backwards, but only so that I could launch forward bigger and better.
I realized the problem was not that I had a moment where I felt sad or discouraged. The problem was that I beat myself up over that. I didn’t embrace those feelings with compassion. I didn’t sit with them lovingly while I worked through them. I let them drown out my inner voice of who I truly am. But even that is a good thing. Because in that moment, she grew stronger. She became braver. She had to shout louder to bring me back to who I am. And next time, because of this, she won’t quiet down so easily. She’ll gracefully fight a little tougher to keep that negative story-telling thought from running reckless.
Be grateful for the opportunities to learn and grow. Meet the discomfort with compassion. The energy and lessons around you are there because the timing is right and you are ready for them. You are capable of receiving everything you’re given along the way.